Notes from the River

I was recently given an extra client gift left over from a commercial I worked on. It’s a $27 ceramic water bottle, and it epitomizes design for the bourgeoisie.

It’s entirely impractical for anyone who works outside, uses public transportation, or works with their hands. Why? Because ceramic breaks! And it doesn’t insulate well! The only person who could feasibly delight in a beverage from this vessel drives in a climate-controlled vehicle to their sedentary job in a climate-controlled building.

I am well aware that white collar office workers who may use a ceramic water bottle are still proletarians. I wanted to sound smart and bourgeoisie is a good word. In fact, this item is only aspirationally bourgeois. The ruling class doesn’t own reusable water bottlers, because their underpaid assistants serve them imported water chilled to 61°F exactly (for better water absorption on a molecular level). Either way, the ceramic water bottle is certainly not appropriate for the proletariat.

There is something fascinating about current consumer trends toward drinking vessels. The overpriced, 40 oz Stanley tumbler is not leak-proof, and won’t fit it the mesh side pocket on a work bag. And yet, the internet hyper-consumer makes TikToks proudly boasting their collection. Similarly, I’ve seen videos of people hoarding limited edition Starbucks mugs – how useful can that item be?! There’s some analysis that can be made here about consumerism, beverage consumption, and the class war, but, to be honest, I’m not even sure what it is. Maybe if I was still at liberal arts school, I could’ve bullshitted something that sounded smart.

Don’t get me wrong, I love free shit. The beautiful $27 ceramic water bottle is currently acting as my bedside carafe. But I also see the inherent frivolity in this item, and that’s why it will never accompany me outside of the house to do anything useful, like carry water and keep it cold.

P.S. I do not know how to spell bourgeoisie, and did have to copy and paste each time I wanted to use the word XD